Quantum Telepathy Services

Basic Probe Plan

Get instant access to the most basic telepathic experiences, including:

Receive a single, randomly-generated thought from a certified telepathic probe once a day.
Access to our proprietary "I'm Thinking of You" algorithm, generating 5 personalized, mildly-creepy messages per week.
Basic neural implant included, withประก a 50% chance of temporary side effects (including but not limited to: headaches, dizziness, and existential dread).

Subscription plans start at $19.99/month, with discounts available for annual commitments and referrals.

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