Quantum Sprinkles: Where Safety is a Myth

Quantum Sprinkles' Safety Policy (Or Lack Thereof)

Our safety policy is simple: "If you see it, don't do it."

But let's be real, you're probably going to do it anyway. In that case, don't say we didn't warn you.

Quantum Sprinkles' Safety Features (Not That We Have Any)

We have the following safety features:

• Unstable floor tiles
• Spinning ceiling fans
• Rickety staircases
• A "what's the worst that could happen?" button that does nothing but makes a loud "whooshing" sound

Quantum Sprinkles' Safety Statistics

We've had the following number of reported incidents since our grand opening:

• 3 people have tripped on our floor tiles
• 1 person has gotten their hair caught in our ceiling fan
• 2 people have fallen down our stairs
• 5 people have been traumatized by our "what's the worst that could happen?" button (but that's just speculation)

Quantum Sprinkles' Safety Disclaimer (Fine Print)

By clicking "I accept" on the following button, you acknowledge that you are aware of and accept the risks associated with visiting Quantum Sprinkles.