Reading Technique 1: The Art of Speed Reading

Speed reading is a technique where you pretend to read quickly, but actually you just scan the text for keywords and hope the important information sticks.

Here are some tips to help you achieve this:

• Don't actually read the text. That's just too much work.
• Look for keywords like 'FREE', 'GOLD', 'AWESOME', and 'CATS'. These are sure to be the most interesting parts.
• Use a red pen to mark important words. This will make them look more interesting.
• Try to read in a crowded, noisy coffee shop. The distractions will make you feel like you're really getting it.

Remember, speed reading is all about the art of not really reading. It's like that one time you ate a whole pizza by yourself, but you're pretty sure you didn't eat that much.