In this, the most advanced of all reading techniques, you'll discover the delicate balance between devouring a book and being a furry, feline-destroying monster. It's not just about reading, it's about coexistence.
Step 1: Choose Your Reading Location Wisely
Don't just plop yourself down on any old couch. Find a location with minimal cat hair accumulation, zero cat scratch risk, and a clear path to the nearest escape route.
- Opt for a cat-hair-free zone, like the top bunk or that one corner of the room with the non-stretchy carpet.
- Be prepared to relocate in the event of an unexpected cat attack.
Step 2: Establish a Safe Reading Zone
Set up a barrier between yourself and the feline overlord, using books, pillows, or even a well-placed cardboard box to create a safe reading perimeter.
Remember, this is not a barrier against the cat, but a barrier against your own guilt and shame for abandoning your feline companion.
- Use a sturdy bookend or two to reinforce your reading zone.
- Be prepared to negotiate with the cat, offering treats or belly rubs for safe passage.
Continue to Step 3: The Art of Distraction or Skip to Step 5: The Feline Negotiation