Recipe #5: The Paranoid Chef's Pan-Seared Paranoid Delight

For the faint of heart, and those who hate the faint of heart

Gather 'round, you nervous wreck of a chef! Today we'll make something that will make you feel marginally better about yourself.

Ingredients:

• 1/2 cup of fear
• 1/2 cup of anxiety
• 1/4 cup of self-doubt
• 1 tablespoon of existential dread

Instructions:

1. Mix all the ingredients in a bowl, stirring constantly.
2. Add a dash of self-deprecation and a pinch of self-acceptance.
3. Serve in a pan, over a bed of uncertainty.
4. Stir until the mixture is just right.

Side effects may include: increased anxiety, decreased self-esteem, and an increased desire to reevaluate your life choices.