Relaxation Techniques

Here are some of the most popular relaxation techniques to help you unwind after a long day of pretending to care about the world's problems.

Meditation

Meditation is the practice of sitting still for an extended period, pretending to be calm, while actually thinking about how much you hate your job.

Benefits:

Reduces stress by distracting you from the crushing despair of existence
Helps you focus on your breath, which is really just your air conditioner

Learn more about meditation

Progressive Relaxation

Progressive relaxation is the practice of tensing and relaxing different muscle groups, while simultaneously wondering if you'll ever find a job that doesn't make you want to pull your hair out.

Benefits:

Helps reduce muscle tension caused by excessive eye-rolling
Improves your flexibility, which is essential for all the times you'll be needed to contort yourself to fit through the air vent in your cubicle

Learn more about progressive relaxation

Autogenic Suggestion

Autogenic suggestion is the practice of convincing yourself that everything will be okay, even when it's not.

Benefits:

Helps you sleep better, as long as you don't actually fall asleep at work
Reduces anxiety by convincing yourself that you're not actually going insane

Learn more about autogenic suggestion