Today's Report Date: 42,421

Warning: The report date of doom has been reached. All employees are required to report to the nearest exit.

Reason for report date: The coffee machine is out of coffee, the internets are down, and the CEO is on a conference call with hisæk.

Recommendations:

• Call in sick with a fake excuse.
• Steal a coffee from the break room fridge.
• Pray to the IT gods for mercy.

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