De-Escalation Jujitsu: The Art of Not Losing Your Mind
De-escalation Jujitsu is the ancient art of diffusing tense situations without actually resolving them. A delicate balance of doing nothing, saying nothing, and pretending to care.
Techniques:
- The Stare-Down of Silence: A master of the empty gaze, capable of freezing your opponent in a vortex of nothingness.
- The Art of Non-Committal Nodding: A nod that says 'I'm listening,' but really means 'I have no idea what you're talking about.'
- The Socratic Shift: Pretend to be interested, but really just zone out.
Sub-Techniques:
- The Fake Phone Call: A diversionary tactic, perfect for escaping an uncomfortable conversation.
- The Sudden Interest in Ceiling Tile Patterns: A surefire way to shift focus away from the conversation.
- The Fictitious Meeting Reminder: 'Oh, I'm so sorry, I have a meeting with a client... in 5 years.'