Reason 3: The Inevitable Futility of Human Progress

In a shocking turn of events, our ancestors have finally discovered the secret to perpetual motion. But, as it turns out, it's just a wheel of cheese on a stick.

Scientists at the Institute for Advanced Futility have confirmed that the wheel of cheese on a stick is, in fact, the key to unlocking human progress. However, due to a minor oversight, the wheel of cheese has been stuck in the same place since 1987.

When asked about the implications of this groundbreaking discovery, Dr. Futilityface, lead researcher, stated, "We're thrilled to announce that we're still trying to figure out how to move the wheel, but it's just not working out."

Continue to Reason 4: The Unavoidable Consequences of Cheese