Olympic Gold: Because You Clearly Need More Shiny Things

A gold medal, because you clearly need more gold in your life

The pinnacle of human achievement, where the world's top athletes gather to compete in events that are only slightly less grueling than actual labor.

Medal Count

As of 2023, we have:

1,237,456,789 gold medals awarded

That's a whole lotta gold.

Medal Ceremony: Where the Real Fun Happens

Where the world's top athletes gather to pretend to be friends while secretly plotting their next move.

A picture of a crowded room full of people smiling and pretending

Olympic Records: Because Who Needs Sleep?

Did you know the 100m dash record has been broken 37 times since 2008? That's 37 times too many.

Fastest 100m dash: 9.58 seconds
Longest recorded yawn: 5 minutes 22 seconds

Olympic Sponsorships: Where the Real Money's At

Sponsored by the following fine companies:

Nike: Because They Clearly Have Enough Cash to Burn
Red Bull: Because You Clearly Need More Energy Drinks
McDonald's: Because You Clearly Need More Unhealthy Choices

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