Utopia's Ridiculous Subscription Terms of Service
By subscribing to this service, you agree to the following:
1. To receive a minimum of 5 daily emails from our team of highly trained, highly caffeinated professionals.
2. To participate in at least 3 hours of group brainstorming sessions per month.
3. To pay a monthly fee of $19.99, plus applicable taxes, and other fees that will be disclosed to you at a later date.
4. To surrender your firstborn child to our team of highly skilled, highly trained, and highly experienced professionals.
5. To participate in a minimum of 2 hours of mandatory team-building activities per week, which may include (but are not limited to) trust-building exercises, group trust falls, and trusty knife juggling.
By agreeing to these terms, you'll receive:
A free 1-hour consultation with our CEO, who will personally hold your hand through the process.
A comprehensive FAQ section that will answer all your questions, but probably not really.
Regular updates on our latest and greatest features, which will probably break every week.
A contact form that will take 3 days to respond, but we promise to respond eventually.