Warning: the problems listed below are so complicated, you may lose your mind. Proceed with caution.
Why is it that your socks always disappear in the wash? Is it a sinister plot to drive you mad?
Why do you always order from a place that's closed when you're craving pizza? Is it a cry for help?
When will you ever understand that meatballs are not balls of meat, but actually a form of time-space continuum?