Unless explicitly authorized, do not touch any assets. Assets include but are not limited to: the stapler, the stapler remover, and the stapler-in-the-form-of-a-pen.
Avoid direct or indirect eye contact with any coworkers. Prolonged stares may lead to awkward silence or, worse, a heated game of "rock, paper, scissors."
In the unlikely event of a zombie apocalypse, always keep a backup escape plan and a spare set of socks. You know, for running. And also for the inevitable post-apocalyptic fashion crisis.