Today's special roast is a scathing critique of yesterday's coffee shop, "Brew-tality's." Their coffee stains your bed because they can't be bothered to use a napkin, and their "expert" baristas are just winging it.
Stain-Repellent Techniques for the masses, folks!
Accusations of Illness are rampant in the comments section.
Barista Burnout is a real thing, and it's not just because they're tired of your attitude.