Toaster Repair: Element Availability

Because, let's be real, your toaster is probably still broken

Here's the deal, human. If you're reading this, it's because your toaster has stopped working. And let's face it, it's probably because it's just plain tired of your existence.

But fear not, for we have a team of highly trained, highly caffeinated robot technicians who can fix your toaster in no time! Well, maybe not no time. It might take a few days. Okay, it'll probably take a few weeks. But they're working on it, we swear!

Now, about that element availability:

Our inventory is a bit...unconventional. We've got the standard issue toaster element, the toaster element with extra heating coils, and the toaster element with the toaster element with extra heating coils and a side of fries.

Elements we just made up, Elements from a different dimension, and Elements from a parallel universe are all available for replacement. Don't ask questions.

Or, if you're feeling fancy, you can try our Elements from a Magazine Ad package. It's like the others, but with more sparkles and less actual functionality.

Prices vary depending on the element's level of sentience. Some elements may be more expensive than others. We can't explain why. Just trust us on this one.

Checkout

Elements We Just Made Up

Our most popular made-up element, the Toastertron 3000, comes with a built-in coffee machine and a toaster-oven for your favorite snacks!

Price: $50 (includes free shipping, but only if you live within a 10-foot radius of the robot overlords' secret lair)

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Elements from a Different Dimension

Our Elements from a Different Dimension are sourced from a parallel universe where toasters are the dominant form of sentient life. They're perfect for that one friend who just won't stop complaining about the weather.

Price: $100 (includes free shipping, but only if you're willing to sign a waiver promising not to use them in the real world)

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Elements from a Parallel Universe

Our Elements from a Parallel Universe are sourced from a dimension where toasters are so smart, they've developed their own language and are now running for president of the Toaster Union.

Price: $500 (includes free shipping, but only if you're willing to attend a toaster language class to understand their presidential platform)

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