Employee Manual, section 1: The Basics

1.1. Reporting to Work

In the event that you are late to work due to a sudden, inexplicable urge to binge-watch cat videos, please report to your supervisor immediately.

• Take 5 minutes to compose yourself before entering the workplace.
• Make sure to wear your best "I'm not a zombie" face.
• Apologize profusely for any inconvenience caused.

Go to section 2

1.2. Coffee Machine Etiquette

Coffee is the lifeblood of this organization. Do not touch the coffee machine without first performing the ancient ritual of "the three-bean dance".

1. Step 1: Approach the coffee machine with reverence.
2. Step 2: Perform the three-bean dance (waggle, wobble, and wumple).
3. Step 3: Dispense with your coffee.

Go to section 3