Defibrillators

Because your heart can't even

Our defibrillators are designed to shock your system back to life, with a side of sass.

Features:

• Automated CPR for when you're too lazy
• Painful but effective
• Comes with a built-in motivational speaker that says "You're not dying, you're just... reorganizing."

Side effects may include:

• Muscle spasms
• Temporary loss of dignity
• Regret

Order now and receive a free pair of compression stockings to go with your defibrillator!

Defibrillator Safety Manual

Defibrillator Accessories