Defibrillators
Because your heart can't even
Our defibrillators are designed to shock your system back to life, with a side of sass.
Features:
- Automated CPR for when you're too lazy
- Painful but effective
- Comes with a built-in motivational speaker that says "You're not dying, you're just... reorganizing."
Side effects may include:
- Muscle spasms
- Temporary loss of dignity
- Regret
Order now and receive a free pair of compression stockings to go with your defibrillator!
Defibrillator Safety Manual
Defibrillator Accessories