Here, we have the most irrelevant and unfulfilled prophecies from the great prophets of nothing. Our prophets are so on the nose, they're practically falling off.
Want to know the secrets of the universe? No, not really. We're not even sure what the universe is.
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Or, if you're feeling adventurous, try overthinking it and see if that helps.
Here's a special message for you: I told you so! That's right, we're not even trying to be cryptic or mysterious anymore. We're just shouting it from the rooftops: I TOLD YOU SO!
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