SCALP MASSAGE TECHNIQUE DIRECTORY

Technique 1: The Claw of Desperation

Technique 2: The Pinch and Squeeze

Technique 3: The Scrub-a-Latte

Technique 4: The Scalp-Extraction Method

Technique 5: The Hair-Raising Experience

Technique 6: The Scalp-Smoothing Technique for the Modern Era

Warning: Do not attempt any of these techniques without consulting a licensed scalp massage professional. Or a Google search result from 2018. Results not guaranteed, side effects may include: temporary numbness, permanent confusion.