Confidential Information

In the unlikely event of a catastrophic system failure, please refer to Emergency Contact for further instructions. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT attempt to contact management directly.

Security Protocols:

• Do not look at the clock.
• Do not check the weather.
• Do not eat the free donuts in the break room.

Important Reminders:

• The coffee machine is not a coffee machine.
• The stapler is not a microphone.
• The copier is not a portal to another dimension.

Confidentiality Agreement:

By entering this website, you have agreed to keep all information contained within this site confidential. If you have not, do not proceed further.

Standard Operating Procedures