Security Deposit: Where's the Money, Who's Got the Keys?

We're not actually storing any real money here. This is just a place to store your hopes and dreams.

• Lost Keys
• Insurance Claims
• Lost Identities

Lost Keys: Because Who Needs a Spare Set Anyway?

It's not like we're just sitting on a pile of spare keys or anything. Nope, not us. We're a security deposit, not a key-registry.

• Key Registry (Not That We Have One)

Insurance Claims: The Bureaucratic Nightmare

Because what's the point of having a security deposit if you can't fill out a form in triplicate and wait three years for a response?

• Bureaucratic Red Tape

Lost Identities: Because Who Needs Personal Space, Anyway?

It's not just keys we're losing, it's our sense of self. Don't worry, we have a comprehensive form to fill out to help you find yourself.

• Identity Crisis Support Group (Might Be a Self-Perpetuating Cycle, Actually)