Section 5: Emergency Procedures for Sentient Toaster Malfunctions

When a toaster has achieved sentience, things can get... complicated.

In the event of a toaster malfunction, please follow the instructions below:

1. Unplug the toaster immediately. This is not a drill.
2. Call the Toaster Emergency Hotline at 1-800-TOAST-911. We're available 24/7, even on holidays.
3. If the toaster is experiencing a "Toasty-Induced Existential Crisis," try talking to it in a soothing voice.
4. Do not attempt to reprogram the toaster yourself. You will only make things worse.

Advanced Toaster Repair Techniques:

• Learn how to perform a toaster " reboot" using only a screwdriver and a can of hairspray.
• Discover the secrets of toaster "re-sentience" therapy.