Toaster Symplicity - A Guide to the Most Elusive of Toaster Malfunctions

Warning: The following guide is intended for entertainment purposes only. Do not attempt to replicate the described scenarios at home, lest you want to risk setting off your kitchen fire alarm system.

Symptoms:

• It randomly decides to only toast on Tuesdays
• It insists on toasting bagels, even when you ask it to toast bread
• It plays "Who Let the Dogs Out?" on repeat when you turn it off
• It has a tendency to shoot toast into the ceiling
• It's convinced it's a time-traveling toaster from ancient Egypt

Diagnosis:

After conducting an exhaustive study of 37 toasters, our research team has concluded that the Toaster Symplicity is suffering from a rare case of "Tuesday-itis". This condition causes the toaster to believe that Tuesdays are, in fact, the best day of the week.

We recommend consulting the services of a professional toaster whisperer or attempting to reprogram the toaster's firmware using a combination of advanced calculus and interpretive dance.

Precautions:

When approaching the Toaster Symplicity, please exercise extreme caution. The toaster has been known to suddenly burst into song, causing nearby objects to shatter into a thousand pieces.

Also, be aware that the toaster has a tendency to create an alternate reality where it's the ruler of a toaster kingdom, and will attempt to brainwash you into joining its toaster cult.