Shortage-Helpline: Because Who Has Time to Go Shopping?

Are you tired of wandering the desolate aisles of the local supermarket, searching for that one thing? Do you find yourself questioning the meaning of life when you can't even find your favorite type of coffee? Look no further! The Shortage-Helpline is here to help you find what you're looking for, or at the very least, provide a sympathetic ear to vent your frustrations.

Call us today! (Or, you know, just read our FAQ below.)

Common Shortages:

• Butter - Because who needs baking when you can just live on bread alone?
• Toilet Paper - We've got some TP, but it's not for wiping, it's for...other things.
• Avocados - We're not saying you're going crazy, but have you tried just eating a plain old sandwich?

And for the love of all things good and holy, please don't even get us started on the state of the local coffee supply.