ShoulderPad Existentialism is a philosophy that posits that your existence is a burden, but someone has to carry it for you. We're not talking about the existential dread of a looming abyss, nor the crushing ennui of modern life. No, we're talking about the literal shoulder pad. The one you're probably wearing right now.
Think about it: your shoulders are carrying the weight of the world, but what's carrying your shoulders? The answer, my friend, is: a pad.