Phone Maintenance: The Sock Puppet Edition

Phone maintenance, the art of keeping your phone from turning into a sentient, self-aware entity that slowly drives you mad with its incessant notifications and demands for more likes.

Here are the steps to take:

• Step 1: Remove all unnecessary apps (aka the ones that make you feel guilty for not using them)
• Step 2: Turn off notifications for the next hour (aka the time it takes to relearn your own name)
• Step 3: Use a phone stand to hold you hostage (aka the best way to ensure you never look away from the screen)
• Step 4: Call your mom to complain about it (aka the only way to feel slightly better)