Solar Scorches: Because the Sun's Just Not That Into It

Solar Scorches, or Solar Flares of Disproportionate Magnitude, are the universe's way of saying 'You know what, humans? I'm done with you.'

Caused by the Sun's own existential dread of being stuck in an infinite loop of nuclear fusion, Solar Scorches bring forth a symphony of X-ray radiation, solar winds, and a hint of disappointment.

Causes of Solar Scorches

• The Sun's crippling ennui
• Overuse of sunscreen
• Galactic bureaucracy red tape

For more information on Solar Scorches, please visit:

• The Sun is So Done with Us
• Sunscreen Reform: A Call to Action
• Solar Science Fair: Where We Pretend to Understand Solar Flares