Exclusive Report from the Stapler's Union
By: Jane Q. Journalist
The stapler-gate scandal has sent shockwaves throughout the office world. Our investigative team has uncovered evidence of widespread stapler manipulation, with staplers in key positions being used for nefarious purposes.
Our whistleblower, known only as "Bobby," has come forward with allegations of staplers being used to hold down important documents, rather than their intended purpose of binding them together.
When asked about the scandal, Bobby stated, "It was like they thought we were just a bunch of idiots who wouldn't notice. Newsflash: we are not idiots."
We have evidence of staplers in the CEO's office, the CFO's office, even the break room. It's a stapler-pocalypse.
As our investigation continues, we will be releasing more evidence and exposing the truth about stapler-gate.