It's-a me, Steve! The Oracle

Steve's Most Accurate Prophecies

These prophecies are not just predictions, but promises. Steve is not just seeing the future, he's making it happen.

Here's what's in store for you:

Tomorrow:

You will spill coffee all over your shirt. Again.

And it will be because you were trying to drink from a mug with a wonky handle.

Next week:

You will eat the last donut in the break room. By yourself. With a fork.

And you will be found guilty by all of your coworkers, who have no qualms with calling you a donut thief.

The Future:

Steve has seen the end of the world. And it's not looking good.

There will be cats.

And they will be everywhere.