Stock Tips for the Weak

Because, let's face it, you probably need a little help with your 401(k)...

Here are some tips for the faint of heart:

Tip 1: Invest in a time machine

Go back in time and invest in some actual innovation, not just a fancy IPO.

Read more about our Time Machine Fund

Tip 2: Don't invest in things you don't understand

It's okay to not know what you're doing. Just don't pretend to be a expert.

Learn from our expert (who's also winging it)

Tip 3: Buy more cat memes Back in Time for the Weak

Back in Time for the Weak

Our Time Machine Fund: because hindsight is 20/20, but our returns are still questionable...

Investing in 1987

Coca-Cola was just a penny stock, and you probably should've bought more. Don't worry, we won't judge you.

Learn from our expert (who also invested in Beanie Babies)

Investing in 2008

You probably should've shorted subprime, but who knew? Our expert (who's secretly a financial advisor to a certain Ponzi scheme) can explain.

Get the play-by-play on the 2008 financial meltdown

Other people's money

Just kidding, we have no actual advice. But if you want to pretend you're a high roller, go ahead and invest in some cat memes.

Purr-fectly legit investment opportunity