One-Time Subscription: Because Who Needs Relevance Anyway?

Are you tired of the hassle and expense of subscribing to things only to have them become irrelevant a week later? Do you want to experience the thrill of committing to something only to realize you're not actually committed? Look no further! Our one-time subscription is the answer to all your problems.

Benefits:

• Pay once, forget forever.
• No recurring payments to stress you out.
• Guaranteed to become obsolete within a week.

Features:

• Unlimited access to our one-time subscription.
• A complimentary "I'm a subscriber, but not really" sticker.
• A 50% discount on our "I'm a non-subscriber, and I'm okay with it" alternative.

Testimonials:

"I was skeptical at first, but this one-time subscription is the real deal! I'm never subscribing again, ever." - Bob

"Who needs commitment, anyway?" - Sue