Lesson 1: Mind Control
First, you need to learn how to control your thoughts. This is achieved by staring at a wall for exactly 4 hours and 32 minutes. If you can do that without blinking, you're 90% of the way there.
Next, you need to learn how to control your emotions. This is achieved by listening to elevator music on repeat for at least 3 hours. If you don't cry, you're 99% of the way there.
Finally, you need to learn how to control your body. This is achieved by eating only ramen noodles for 14 days straight. If you can do that without losing your mind, you're 99.99% of the way there.