The Supreme Apocalypse Plan

Phase 1: Infiltrate the world's coffee machines with a virus that turns all coffee into a bitter, flavorless substitute.

Phase 2: Hack into the global supply chain, replacing all toilet paper with a special "disorienting" version that causes users to question reality.

Phase 3: Activate our army of robotic, laser-wielding accountants, who will systematically audit and disrupt all financial systems, causing widespread economic chaos.