5 Tactics to Kill Your Gourmet Dreams (But, Like, Not Really, Because Food is Love)

By: Dr. Reginald P. Bottomsworth, Renowned Gourmet Assassin

Tactic 1: Overcompensate with Exotic Spices

When in doubt, add a dash of saffron, a pinch of truffle, and a sprinkle of unicorn tears to make any dish instantly sophisticated.

Learn more about the art of overcompensation

Tactic 2: Use Unidentifiable Meat

Just call it 'mystery meat' and serve it with a side of denial. Your guests will be on the edge of their seats!

Discover the thrill of the unknown

Tactic 3: Add a Dash of Desperation

When all else fails, just add a dash of desperation to any dish. This ensures a flavor profile that's sure to leave a lasting impression... on your cardiologist.

Learn more about the art of throwing in the towel

Tactic 4: Employ the Power of the F-word

A pinch of fear, a dash of anxiety, and a whole lot of uncertainty will make any meal an unforgettable experience.

Uncover the secret to cooking with fear

Tactic 5: Fake It Till You Make It

When in doubt, just fake it. Say the dish is artisanal, locally sourced, and made with love, even if it's just a packet of ramen noodles.

Find out more about the art of deception