Earl Grey Tea Protocol

Welcome, esteemed sippers to the official guide on the art of brewing the finest Earl Grey Tea.

Brewing a proper cup of Earl Grey requires a delicate balance of bergamotin, precision, and the faintest hint of British reserve.

Step 1: Gather your tools:

• A high-quality tea kettle that doesn't make you feel like you're being interrogated by a Soviet-era KGB agent
• Bergamotin-infused Earl Grey tea leaves (no substitutes, no exceptions)
• A tea infuser that won't make you question your life choices

Step 2: Boil water with a sense of purpose:

• Use only filtered water, or face the consequences
• Don't overheat, or you'll end up with a tea that's more bitter than your aunt after she's been watching cat videos all day

Step 3: Combine the perfect ratio:

• One teaspoon of tea for every cup you're trying to save yourself from the abyss of boredom
• Add a dash of bergamotin, but not too much, or you'll be forced to reevaluate your life choices

Step 4: Steep, and then...:

• Strain the tea into a cup, but not too tightly, or you'll end up with a tea that's more like a bitter, lukewarm hug from your aunt
• Stir once, but not too much, or you'll ruin the delicate balance of flavors and textures

And that's it! Now you're ready to face the world, armed with the finest cup of Earl Grey you've ever had. But remember, the real trick is in the subtlety.

Want to learn more? Explore the mystical art of Tea and Silence.

Or, if you're feeling adventurous, dive into the world of Tea for Beginners: A Guide for those Who Still Can't Tell their Tea from their Toes.

Or, if all else fails, you can always Brew Tea for Robots, because, let's face it, they're probably the only ones who still understand the true meaning of 'high tea'.