Completed: 1,000,000 hours of mind-numbing, soul-sucking, creativity-crushing meetings.
Successfully implemented a system where employees have to fill out forms in triplicate, quadruplicate, and quintuplicate.
Introduced a new "Performance Review" system, where we rate each other's stapler placement.
Achieved a 99.9% approval rating from our "I'm a Slave 4" employee satisfaction surveys.
Launched a new line of "I'm with Stupid" t-shirts, which became a surprise hit among our "thought leaders".