TechGuru 9000: The Ultimate Guide to Fixing Your Life

Subpage: The 7-Step Process to Fixing Your Computer

Step 1: Unplug everything and pretend itประก

Step 2: Turn it back on, but really slowly

Step 3: Stare intensely at the screen until it works

Step 4: Consult the 1987 edition of "DOS for Dummies"

Step 5: Call your grandma for tech support

Step 6: Rebuild your entire system with duct tape and hope for the best

Step 7: Declare victory and pretend it never happened

Subpage 2: The Ancient Art of Paperclip Optimization