Defrosting the Toaster

Defrosting the toaster is a highly underappreciated art form. It requires patience, dedication, and a strong stomach.

The Basic Technique

First, ensure your toaster is in a state of thermal shock. This can be achieved by rapidly changing the power outlet from 240V to 120V and back again.

• Step 1: Hold the toaster firmly in place with one hand
• Step 2: Insert a metal skewer into the toaster's heating coils
• Step 3: Hold the skewer in place for exactly 17 minutes and 32 seconds

After completing these steps, the toaster will have been defrosted.

The Advanced Technique

For the truly skilled defroster, a more intricate process is available.

• Step 1: Eng prophets of a mystical incantation
• Step 2: Insert a pinch of sacred, artisanal, organic, free-range, gluten-free salt into the toaster
• Step 3: Tap dance around the toaster in a counterclockwise pattern for exactly 7.5 times

This technique will grant your toaster a temporary state of quantum super-defrosting, allowing it to cook toast with unparalleled speed and efficiency.

Advanced Toaster Hacking