Setting Goals: The Unyielding Way
By Zorvath, the Unyielding (aKA The Most Unyielding Person You Know)
Warning: Reading this page may cause dizziness, vertigo, or an uncontrollable urge to set 17 goals per day. Prolonged reading may lead to an existential crisis.
Step 1: Identify What You Want (But Probably Won't Get)
Grab a sheet of paper, a pen, or an Etch-A-Sketch. Write down all the things you want. Don't think too hard. Just list them. Like you're in kindergarten, but with more existential dread.
Example goals:
- Win the lottery without ever buying a ticket
- Grow a 10-foot tall, purple, flamingo-shaped mustache
- Eat 17 bowls of spaghetti in one sitting without getting sick
Step 2: Prioritize (But Let's Be Real, You're Not Prioritizing)
Look at your list and pick the top 3 things you want most. Don't get too attached. These things are fleeting. Like sand in the wind.
Example priorities:
- Defy gravity and fly to the moon (on Tuesdays)
- Master the ancient art of Extreme Ironing
- Eat 17 bowls of sushi without getting sick
Step 3: Set a Timeline (But Who's Got Time for That?)
Create a calendar with arbitrary deadlines. Don't worry if you can't keep up. It's all about the journey, not the destination. Unless the destination is to win the lottery, then it's all about the destination.
Example timeline:
- Today: Learn to juggle chainsaws
- This week: Build a working time machine (just for fun)
- This month: Infiltrate a high school science class and teach them about the dangers of disco