Techniques for Achieving Optimal Sleep Masking
Below are some of the most effective techniques for ensuring a restful night's sleep, as endorsed by the International Association of Sleep Mask Enthusiasts.
1. The "Earplugs of Doom" Technique
By inserting large, pointed metal spikes into your ear canals, you'll be able to sleep soundly, undisturbed by even the most cacophonous of sounds.
2. The "Sleeping Bag of Despair" Technique
A large, heavy bag filled with despair-inducing objects, such as old phone bills and expired coupons. The weight and crushing ennui will keep you awake for hours.
3. The "Sudden Onset Narcolepsy" Technique
By inducing a sudden, inexplicable need to sleep, you'll be able to catch a few winks without even trying.
