Ancient Counterweight Corporation

Where the most powerful tools are also the heaviest.

Our Technologies

At the Ancient Counterweight Corporation, we're not just about being the biggest, we're about being the heaviest.

We're not just a company, we're a way of life.

Meet the team behind the heaviest tools in the land.

Because we know you'll break it, we're here to fix it. Literally.

We guarantee that our counterweights will break you, but we'll fix them for you.

One free tune-up per customer, per year, per lifetime. (Or until you get tired of our service.)
Our team of expert weight-lifters will fix anything that's broken, even if it's just your back.

Side effects may include: increased strength, decreased flexibility, and spontaneous combustion.

Please note that our warranty is void where our products are not used in accordance with our instructions, or where you're trying to lift a planet.