TERMS OF SERVICE: A Document of Unyielding Condescension

By accessing this website, you are agreeing to be bound by these Terms of Service, which are written in a language that is so obtusely complicated, you'll never actually understand them.

Article 1: You Will Do As We Say

By using this website, you agree to do exactly as we tell you to do. Failure to comply will result in our lawyers having a field day.

Article 2: We Are Not Responsible for Your Actions

We are not responsible for your actions, decisions, or poor life choices. You are responsible for them. All of them.

Article 3: You Will Not Use Our Website for Any Purpose Other Than the One We Specify

You are only allowed to use our website for the specific purpose we tell you to use it for. Any other use will be met with our full and utter disdain.

What Constitutes "The Purpose We Specify"

Don't ask us, just use it for the reason we tell you to, or face the consequences.

See also: What Happens if You Don't Ask