Jane Doe's Personal Statement

Warning: The following statement is not for the faint of heart. Proceed with caution.

I'm not saying I'm a superhero. I'm saying I'm a hero. In the classical sense. You know, with a cape. That I wear in my sleep.

My arch-nemesis, the Coffee Machine, has finally been defeated. My caffeine levels are now within optimal ranges.

My superpowers include:

• Extensive knowledge of 80s pop culture
• Unmatched expertise in the ancient art of napping
• Unwavering dedication to my cat's Instagram

Hyperlinks to my secret hideouts:

• My Cave
• My Attic
• My Underground Bunker