The Apocalypse Times - Article 5: "The Undead Shall Inherit the Earth"
As the world burns, the undead rise. Literally. It turns out that a combination of climate change, nuclear war, and an over-reliance on processed snacks has created a perfect storm of reanimation. The once-peaceful citizens of Earth are now forced to live among the shambling hordes of the reconstituted.
We spoke to local resident, Karen "The Unstoppable" Jenkins, who had a unique perspective on the matter:
"I was a stay-at-home mom, living my best life, when suddenly I found myself face-to-face with a horde of flesh-eating zombies. I mean, I was just trying to get some shopping done at the local mall, you know? It was like, 'Oh no, not the food court!'"
We also consulted with local expert, Dr. John "The Zombie-ologist" Taylor, who explained the science behind the reanimation:
"It's quite simple, really. The combination of radiation, pollution, and genetically modified corn has created a perfect storm of cellular reorganization. The undead are not just a threat, they're an opportunity. We can learn from them, study them, and maybe even harness their...unique abilities."
As the world descends into chaos, one thing is clear: the undead shall inherit the Earth. But don't worry, we're sure it'll all work out in the end.