Therapist's Couch of Doom

Welcome, loser. You've made it to the most comfortable place on the internet.

Schedule your session with Zelda, the most powerful therapist in the land. Buy our line of overpriced, handmade meditation mats, because you're a premium client. Participate in our monthly meditation challenges, where you pay us to not think about your problems for 5 minutes.

Therapist's Specialties:

• Trauma, angst, existential crises: $200/hr

• Relationship issues: $300/hr

• Self-esteem issues: $400/hr

• Existential dread: $500/hr

Disclaimer: We're not actually licensed, but we'll pretend to be for your benefit.