8:00 AM - Wake up, stretch, and scream at the existential dread of another day
9:00 AM - Coffee and existential crisis management
12:00 PM - Lunch break: eat, drink, and contemplate the meaninglessness of life
2:00 PM - Cognitive behavioral therapy: learn to control your thoughts, but not your emotions
Meditation and the Art of Not-Being
6:00 PM - Yoga and the struggle to maintain a healthy body image
7:00 PM - Dinner: eat your feelings, not your feelings about eating
The Feelings: a guide to understanding and expressing your emotions
8:00 AM - Morning panic attack: because, why not?
10:00 AM - Group therapy: because solo therapy is so last season
Panic Attacks: when the world is just too much
10:00 PM - Bedtime: where you can finally just exist without consequence
Goodnight, good luck, and may the abyss of existence consume you gently