Time Traveler's Diary

February 30, -1 BCE

I went back in time to ancient Egypt and tried to become a pharaoh. I mean, who wouldn't want to be a powerful ruler with a fancy headdress? I failed. I got lost in the desert, my sandals got all sandy, and I accidentally ordered 12 extra-large pizzas for the entire royal court. Now I'm stuck in a pyramid with a bad case of hanger.