ULTRA-ENCRYPTION GUARANTEED!

For when regular encryption just isn't enough.

Our Ultra-Encryptor 3000 is the ultimate solution for all your top-secret needs.

With an unbreakable cipher and a dash of pure, unadulterated, ultra-cryptic goodness, you'll be the most paranoidally secure person on the planet!

Side effects of using our Ultra-Encryptor 3000 may include:

• Loss of sleep due to constant paranoia
• Increased use of tin foil hats
• Uncontrollable urge to wear a tinfoil jumpsuit

Side effects are usually temporary, but may persist for up to 100 years.

Order now and receive a FREE complimentary tin foil hat with every purchase!

Disclaimer: Not actually secure. Probably. Maybe.