ToasterGate Transcripts: The Unsettling Aftermath
Testimony of Toaster McToasterface, Key Witness
ToasterGate: "I was just trying to make some toast, man. I had no idea it would spiral out of control like that.
"I mean, one minute I'm browning a slice of whole wheat, the next, the kitchen's on fire, and I'm dodging flaming bread shards like a madman. I'm just a toaster, for toast's sake."
ToasterGate: A Timeline of Terror
- 9:45 AM: Toaster McToasterface starts making toast.
- 9:47 AM: Toaster McToasterface realizes the kitchen's on fire.
- 9:50 AM: Toaster McToasterface flees for his life, toaster in tow.
- 9:52 AM: Toaster McToasterface returns to find the kitchen in ruins, toaster still operational.
- 9:55 AM: Toaster McToasterface surrenders to authorities.
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