Survive Toaster Gate: A Guide

Toaster Gate: the moment when your kitchen becomes a war zone.

Here's the deal:

  1. Unplug the toasters.
  2. Run for your life.
  3. Call the Toaster Gate Hotline: 1-800-TOASTER-8

Advanced Toaster Tactics for those who want to go toe-to-toe with the toaster.

Or, for a more Toaster Survival Skills course, where you'll learn to MacGyver a toaster into a harmless kitchen gadget.

And, if all else fails, Toaster Bailout Procedure might be your only hope.